1 00:00:02,509 --> 00:00:04,033 (ALARM BLARING) 2 00:00:04,745 --> 00:00:06,645 - KEY: Here! - (TIRES SCREECHING) 3 00:00:06,713 --> 00:00:07,702 Shit. 4 00:00:07,781 --> 00:00:09,612 What are you doing? Come on. 5 00:00:09,683 --> 00:00:10,877 I'm coming. 6 00:00:12,319 --> 00:00:13,308 (TIRES SCREECHING) 7 00:00:13,420 --> 00:00:15,251 - Stay where you are. - What are you doing? 8 00:00:16,156 --> 00:00:17,817 Stop! Thank you. 9 00:00:20,060 --> 00:00:21,118 You're not unlocking it! 10 00:00:21,194 --> 00:00:22,991 We're doing it at the same time, is the problem. 11 00:00:23,063 --> 00:00:24,121 Unlock the door! 12 00:00:24,197 --> 00:00:25,186 No. 13 00:00:25,465 --> 00:00:27,228 - Now. - PEELE: Fuck. 14 00:00:27,301 --> 00:00:28,427 Stop touching it while I do the lock! 15 00:00:28,502 --> 00:00:30,299 - What do you want me to do? - Just do it now. 16 00:00:30,837 --> 00:00:32,065 - Are you... - Unbelievable! 17 00:00:32,139 --> 00:00:33,800 - Kidding me? - Stop it and reset. 18 00:00:33,874 --> 00:00:35,501 - Put it down. - I'm just holding it. 19 00:00:35,609 --> 00:00:37,304 - Take your hand off the thing! - It is on the thing. 20 00:00:37,377 --> 00:00:39,368 I got to reset the thing. Look, look at this. 21 00:00:39,446 --> 00:00:41,846 Huh? Huh? Nothing happens if you're holding it up. 22 00:00:41,915 --> 00:00:43,644 Everybody knows not to do that, 23 00:00:43,917 --> 00:00:45,441 'cause now it's all jiggered in the middle. 24 00:00:45,519 --> 00:00:47,180 It got all jiggered in the middle now! 25 00:00:47,254 --> 00:00:48,778 - Stop. - Ahhh! What? 26 00:00:48,855 --> 00:00:51,517 Take your hand away from the door completely. 27 00:00:51,592 --> 00:00:52,684 Thank you. 28 00:00:53,627 --> 00:00:55,527 Oh, that's rich! 29 00:00:55,596 --> 00:00:57,530 - You are gonna get... - Drop your weapon. 30 00:00:57,598 --> 00:00:59,031 What happened? What happened, though? 31 00:00:59,099 --> 00:01:00,589 What happened? I don't know what happened. 32 00:01:03,437 --> 00:01:04,768 Crazy crazy 33 00:01:05,405 --> 00:01:06,929 Does is crazy 34 00:01:07,841 --> 00:01:10,207 Make up for adjustment 35 00:01:11,511 --> 00:01:14,241 You jammin' on the verse 36 00:01:15,349 --> 00:01:19,046 First one's planned that you want to do 37 00:01:19,219 --> 00:01:20,618 All I want 38 00:01:21,321 --> 00:01:25,121 But I don't need you 39 00:01:25,926 --> 00:01:26,950 PEELE: I'll throw out a topic. 40 00:01:27,027 --> 00:01:29,359 KEY: You're gonna throw out a topic? PEELE: Have you seen an alien? 41 00:01:29,429 --> 00:01:30,623 KEY: Have I seen an alien? 42 00:01:31,665 --> 00:01:33,633 I did see... 43 00:01:33,700 --> 00:01:36,066 "No" is a perfectly fine answer for the... 44 00:01:36,136 --> 00:01:38,263 I did... Okay, well, here's the thing. 45 00:01:38,338 --> 00:01:40,272 Can there be subterranean aliens? That can't be right. 46 00:01:40,340 --> 00:01:41,466 'Cause they have to come from space. 47 00:01:41,541 --> 00:01:42,701 Story, please. 48 00:01:42,776 --> 00:01:45,108 When I was a kid, I saw a, um... 49 00:01:45,345 --> 00:01:48,644 I was in Canada with my friends, and there was... We were... 50 00:01:48,715 --> 00:01:50,945 There was a hole in the backyard of this one guy's house 51 00:01:51,018 --> 00:01:53,680 that we were hanging out at, and the hole was like... It was... 52 00:01:53,754 --> 00:01:57,053 There was a fissure like this in the ground, and there was a heap of dirt in the middle, 53 00:01:57,124 --> 00:01:58,421 and the heap of dirt was like scoot, scoot, scoot. 54 00:01:58,492 --> 00:02:00,357 It just went like that. And we ran away. 55 00:02:00,427 --> 00:02:02,987 - How big? - I mean, like... I can't. 56 00:02:03,063 --> 00:02:04,724 Hold on, like, like this. 57 00:02:04,998 --> 00:02:08,092 You're talking about a hedgehog and shit. 58 00:02:08,168 --> 00:02:12,867 How did you go from alien, to telling me a story about a fucking hedgehog? 59 00:02:12,939 --> 00:02:14,531 We never saw it, so who knows... 60 00:02:14,608 --> 00:02:16,075 He said, "Subterranean aliens." 61 00:02:16,476 --> 00:02:17,704 Come on, Jack. 62 00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:22,744 (SPACESHIP ENGINES ROAR) 63 00:02:28,655 --> 00:02:29,713 Wait, wait. 64 00:02:32,392 --> 00:02:33,791 We got to be careful here. 65 00:02:34,094 --> 00:02:35,584 This place is crawling with 'em. 66 00:02:37,597 --> 00:02:39,394 - What was that? - What? 67 00:02:39,599 --> 00:02:40,623 Cover me. 68 00:02:47,107 --> 00:02:48,597 Guys! Hey, guys! 69 00:02:49,276 --> 00:02:51,642 Hey, guys. Oh, thank God. 70 00:02:52,045 --> 00:02:54,570 Hey, we started a community of survivors. 71 00:02:54,648 --> 00:02:56,445 Y'all come live with us. 72 00:03:09,162 --> 00:03:11,062 Wait. How did you know? 73 00:03:11,865 --> 00:03:12,854 Come on. 74 00:03:13,300 --> 00:03:17,031 Redneck wants us to move into his community? Us? 75 00:03:17,437 --> 00:03:18,699 Let's go. 76 00:03:26,279 --> 00:03:28,110 Guys, over here! 77 00:03:28,181 --> 00:03:30,581 Oh, thank God there are others! 78 00:03:31,418 --> 00:03:32,976 Would you let me date your daughter? 79 00:03:33,053 --> 00:03:34,042 Of course! 80 00:03:39,693 --> 00:03:41,627 WOMAN: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 81 00:03:41,695 --> 00:03:43,253 Ahhh! Please don't hurt me! 82 00:03:43,396 --> 00:03:46,832 Uh, my best friend is black and I love Jay-Z, 83 00:03:46,900 --> 00:03:49,528 and, uh, my favorite movie is Think Like a Man. 84 00:03:51,471 --> 00:03:52,836 - She's good. - Come with us. 85 00:03:52,939 --> 00:03:53,997 - Okay. - KEY: Stay close. 86 00:03:54,074 --> 00:03:55,166 - Okay. - What's your name? 87 00:03:55,242 --> 00:03:57,073 - Emily. - BOTH: Of course it is. 88 00:04:04,484 --> 00:04:06,418 Hey, hey, hey! Don't shoot! Don't shoot! 89 00:04:08,789 --> 00:04:10,518 What do you think about the police? 90 00:04:11,258 --> 00:04:12,452 Well, I love their third album. 91 00:04:16,129 --> 00:04:17,426 (SCREAMING) 92 00:04:17,497 --> 00:04:20,898 (STAMMERING) I don't have any money! No money! 93 00:04:21,001 --> 00:04:22,366 (SCREAMING) 94 00:04:24,671 --> 00:04:26,161 (CONTINUES SCREAMING) 95 00:04:32,846 --> 00:04:35,007 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Thank God you guys showed up. 96 00:04:35,081 --> 00:04:37,072 I got to get out of here. 97 00:04:37,384 --> 00:04:40,410 It's a silver Lexus. Just pull it right up front, 98 00:04:40,487 --> 00:04:43,388 and don't scuff the paint, all right? I just had it buffed. 99 00:04:55,101 --> 00:04:57,194 - Was he an alien, too? - Yep. 100 00:05:02,909 --> 00:05:06,003 KEY: Gave up my girlfriend and my family. 101 00:05:06,079 --> 00:05:08,741 ALL: Gave up my girlfriend and my family. 102 00:05:09,115 --> 00:05:12,141 KEY: Traded 'em in for an M-16. 103 00:05:12,219 --> 00:05:14,949 ALL: Traded 'em in for an M-16. 104 00:05:15,055 --> 00:05:18,047 Afghanistan, Pakistan, Yemen, Iraq. 105 00:05:18,158 --> 00:05:21,127 ALL: Afghanistan, Pakistan, Yemen, Iraq. 106 00:05:21,194 --> 00:05:24,186 I don't care if I ever come back. 107 00:05:24,364 --> 00:05:27,333 ALL: I don't care if I ever come back. 108 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:30,494 From poor families, how far we roam. 109 00:05:30,670 --> 00:05:33,332 ALL: From poor families, how far we roam. 110 00:05:33,406 --> 00:05:36,603 So the rich kids can just stay at home. 111 00:05:36,676 --> 00:05:39,702 ALL: So the rich kids can just stay at home. 112 00:05:39,779 --> 00:05:42,907 When I come home with PTSD... 113 00:05:42,983 --> 00:05:45,975 ALL: When I come home with PTSD... 114 00:05:46,052 --> 00:05:49,044 ...the VA hospital won't care for me. 115 00:05:49,122 --> 00:05:52,091 ALL: The VA hospital won't care for me. 116 00:05:52,158 --> 00:05:55,218 I'll probably end up homeless out in the dark. 117 00:05:55,295 --> 00:05:58,162 ALL: I'll probably end up homeless out in the dark. 118 00:05:58,231 --> 00:06:01,689 To get played onscreen by Marky-Mark. 119 00:06:05,272 --> 00:06:06,364 What? 120 00:06:13,813 --> 00:06:15,872 PEELE: I'm way less homophobic than you. 121 00:06:15,949 --> 00:06:17,610 KEY: Okay, that's all well and good. 122 00:06:17,951 --> 00:06:18,940 I don't agree. 123 00:06:19,019 --> 00:06:22,546 I will give a backrub to a gay man, 124 00:06:22,789 --> 00:06:24,450 and we're both naked. 125 00:06:24,524 --> 00:06:26,822 That's how non-homophobic I am. 126 00:06:27,060 --> 00:06:29,722 Dude, I would put 127 00:06:30,530 --> 00:06:32,122 parts of my body 128 00:06:32,499 --> 00:06:34,592 maybe into another gay man's body. 129 00:06:34,668 --> 00:06:37,000 I mean, into a gay man's body, not another gay man's body. 130 00:06:37,070 --> 00:06:39,595 Into a gay man's body, and I would be like, "Hey, this is therapeutic." 131 00:06:39,773 --> 00:06:41,400 If I were a doctor, and you were gay 132 00:06:41,474 --> 00:06:43,271 and you needed a prostate exam, no problem here. 133 00:06:43,343 --> 00:06:44,935 - Okay, but you see what... - That's about overall health. 134 00:06:45,011 --> 00:06:46,945 That's not about me trying to stimulate... 135 00:06:47,013 --> 00:06:50,915 No, you engaged in gay sex in that scenario. 136 00:06:50,984 --> 00:06:54,147 I said a part of my body. I didn't say my penis, necessarily. 137 00:06:54,788 --> 00:06:56,585 Insertion is insertion. 138 00:06:56,890 --> 00:06:59,552 KEY: No, there are different degrees of insertion. 139 00:07:02,996 --> 00:07:05,760 Welcome, Johnson family. 140 00:07:06,032 --> 00:07:08,193 Now, we all know why we're here. 141 00:07:08,635 --> 00:07:10,728 Cousin Delroy's getting married. 142 00:07:10,804 --> 00:07:12,203 ALL: Mmm-hmm. 143 00:07:13,206 --> 00:07:14,571 To a man. 144 00:07:15,475 --> 00:07:17,306 - Which is crazy. - Mmm-hmm. 145 00:07:17,377 --> 00:07:21,643 And we're in support, and, uh, we just need a little help 146 00:07:21,715 --> 00:07:24,309 with the particulars of a gay wedding. 147 00:07:24,484 --> 00:07:26,816 What I've done is I took the, 148 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:31,183 uh, initiative to get my friend Gary in here, 149 00:07:31,257 --> 00:07:33,122 who's... I mean, he's not really my friend. 150 00:07:33,193 --> 00:07:36,094 He's a coworker of mine who happens 151 00:07:36,162 --> 00:07:39,893 to be a active member of the homosexual community, 152 00:07:39,966 --> 00:07:43,663 and he's gonna give us some advice on what... 153 00:07:44,637 --> 00:07:45,934 You know, what, what to do. 154 00:07:46,006 --> 00:07:48,873 So, Gary, what, what can, what can we expect? 155 00:07:51,177 --> 00:07:52,872 Well, um, first of all, guys, 156 00:07:52,946 --> 00:07:54,573 thanks so much for having me here, 157 00:07:54,647 --> 00:07:56,512 and, uh, I think it's really amazing 158 00:07:56,583 --> 00:07:58,676 what you guys are doing for your cousin Delroy. 159 00:07:58,752 --> 00:08:01,687 Um, really, I just wanted to say, basically, that a gay wedding 160 00:08:01,755 --> 00:08:03,313 is just like a straight wedding. 161 00:08:03,390 --> 00:08:04,652 Yes? Yes, sir. 162 00:08:04,724 --> 00:08:08,490 So then do the men wear dresses and then the women would wear suits? 163 00:08:09,162 --> 00:08:10,527 Um, no. No, no, no. 164 00:08:10,597 --> 00:08:14,465 You would just where exactly what you would wear at a straight wedding. 165 00:08:14,534 --> 00:08:15,523 ALL: Oh. 166 00:08:15,602 --> 00:08:18,537 Now, none of us are gay, so I assume 167 00:08:18,605 --> 00:08:21,005 that we would all sit then, in the straight section. 168 00:08:21,074 --> 00:08:22,837 - The straight section? - Yeah. 169 00:08:22,909 --> 00:08:25,673 Oh, the straight section. He means as opposed to the gay section. 170 00:08:25,745 --> 00:08:27,542 No, no, there's, there's no sections, guys. 171 00:08:27,614 --> 00:08:28,808 - But the gay people... - No, no, no. 172 00:08:28,882 --> 00:08:30,213 - You would just sit... ...and then the straight? 173 00:08:30,283 --> 00:08:31,545 No, Larry, Larry, listen to me just for a second. 174 00:08:31,618 --> 00:08:32,983 - But then the aisle. - You would just... 175 00:08:33,053 --> 00:08:34,680 You would just sit on the side of the person 176 00:08:34,754 --> 00:08:36,483 that were friends with, or that your family's members, 177 00:08:36,556 --> 00:08:37,648 just like in a straight wedding. 178 00:08:37,724 --> 00:08:39,021 So we just guess who's gay? 179 00:08:39,092 --> 00:08:40,491 Or not. You could just... Yeah. 180 00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:43,120 - We'll guess who's gay. - Okay. Guess who... 181 00:08:43,196 --> 00:08:46,563 When in the ceremony do we sing, "Over The Rainbow?" 182 00:08:46,633 --> 00:08:48,100 Well, you don't. You don't. You don't. 183 00:08:48,168 --> 00:08:51,331 This is a religious ceremony, so you wouldn't be singing that during the service. 184 00:08:51,404 --> 00:08:52,871 - Oh, all right. - You done with the questions? 185 00:08:52,939 --> 00:08:53,997 No, I'm just asking. 186 00:08:54,074 --> 00:08:55,507 I'm nervous 'cause I can only do jazz hands 187 00:08:55,575 --> 00:08:57,236 for about three minutes 'fore my hands start to cramp. 188 00:08:57,310 --> 00:08:59,301 Oh, sir, I don't think anyone's gonna expect you... 189 00:08:59,379 --> 00:09:01,506 I don't think any... I don't think anyone's gonna 190 00:09:01,581 --> 00:09:04,141 expect you to have to do jazz hands. 191 00:09:04,250 --> 00:09:06,514 Now, can we see the pony show from the straight section? 192 00:09:06,586 --> 00:09:08,315 Or are we way in the back somewhere? 193 00:09:08,388 --> 00:09:11,323 Ma'am, again, there's no straight section. What is a pony show? 194 00:09:11,391 --> 00:09:13,291 You know, when y'all go like this. 195 00:09:13,660 --> 00:09:14,649 No, there won't be... 196 00:09:14,727 --> 00:09:17,127 There won't be any of this during the ceremony. 197 00:09:17,297 --> 00:09:18,423 Oh. Oh. 198 00:09:18,498 --> 00:09:20,989 When do we sing, "YMCA?" 199 00:09:21,367 --> 00:09:23,801 - Oh. - Sir, not during the ceremony. 200 00:09:23,870 --> 00:09:24,859 Okay. 201 00:09:24,938 --> 00:09:26,906 - What about, "Macho, Macho Man?" - Nope. 202 00:09:26,973 --> 00:09:28,702 I don't know where to buy no gay presents. 203 00:09:28,775 --> 00:09:31,209 Well, I don't know what a gay present is. 204 00:09:31,277 --> 00:09:33,370 Um, usually, what couples do is they just, 205 00:09:33,446 --> 00:09:35,107 they just register at a store... 206 00:09:35,181 --> 00:09:37,274 - Huh. ...like a straight couple would. 207 00:09:37,650 --> 00:09:40,175 - The gay store, or... - Just a regular store. 208 00:09:40,253 --> 00:09:42,380 Where do you get the Euros to buy gay gifts? 209 00:09:42,455 --> 00:09:43,683 Are you saying Euros? 210 00:09:43,756 --> 00:09:45,383 You wouldn't, you wouldn't use Euros. 211 00:09:45,458 --> 00:09:47,722 LARRY: No, it's, it's, it's a good question, Finney. 212 00:09:47,794 --> 00:09:49,659 We, we should make some eye contact 213 00:09:49,729 --> 00:09:51,754 so we make sure that the communication's happening. 214 00:09:51,831 --> 00:09:53,162 - Yeah. - I think he wants to know 215 00:09:53,233 --> 00:09:55,724 is it, like, you know, a different currency? 216 00:09:55,802 --> 00:09:57,463 Or is it more like camel cash? 217 00:09:57,537 --> 00:10:00,165 Nope, just good, old-fashioned U.S. Dollars, yep. 218 00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:02,299 Do we have to participate in the anal sex? 219 00:10:02,375 --> 00:10:03,569 - Oh! - Or can we just watch 220 00:10:03,643 --> 00:10:05,474 and cheer in a firemen's hat? 221 00:10:05,545 --> 00:10:07,843 No, there's no anal sex and no fireman's hat. 222 00:10:07,914 --> 00:10:09,438 - Oh, okay. - It's cunnilingus. 223 00:10:09,816 --> 00:10:10,840 GARY: Is that a question, sir? 224 00:10:10,917 --> 00:10:13,010 When do we get to sing, "It's Raining Men," 225 00:10:13,086 --> 00:10:15,646 - Hallelujah, it's raining men? - You don't. 226 00:10:15,722 --> 00:10:17,246 So there's no gay hymns in the ceremony? 227 00:10:17,323 --> 00:10:20,156 Sir, there's no such thing as a gay hymn. 228 00:10:20,226 --> 00:10:21,784 - What? - Well, does the fake priest 229 00:10:21,861 --> 00:10:24,352 look like a real priest or like a nun? 230 00:10:24,931 --> 00:10:26,956 - It's gonna be a real priest. - Or... 231 00:10:27,033 --> 00:10:28,091 No, there's no, "Or." 232 00:10:28,168 --> 00:10:31,001 Is it a sexy boat captain, then he takes his clothes off? 233 00:10:31,070 --> 00:10:33,197 - ALL: Oh! - What? No. No. 234 00:10:33,273 --> 00:10:34,672 Do we throw something other than rice? 235 00:10:34,741 --> 00:10:37,403 Like what, sir? What would you throw other than rice? 236 00:10:37,477 --> 00:10:40,503 I don't know. I don't know. Couscous. Skittles. 237 00:10:40,580 --> 00:10:44,607 Guys, a gay wedding is just like a straight wedding, okay? 238 00:10:44,684 --> 00:10:46,345 It's exactly the same. 239 00:10:46,419 --> 00:10:49,582 Well, when they kiss, is it okay to stand up and say, "Ew?" 240 00:10:49,656 --> 00:10:52,386 No, it's not because it would be, that would be homophobic. 241 00:10:52,458 --> 00:10:56,258 This from the man who won't allow gay hymns at the gay wedding. 242 00:10:56,329 --> 00:10:58,991 Okay, but like a involuntary gasp. 243 00:10:59,866 --> 00:11:02,494 I would just, I guess, try to curb that behavior. 244 00:11:02,702 --> 00:11:04,135 Okay. I'II, I'll look away then. 245 00:11:04,237 --> 00:11:06,728 - Oh, my God. - Now, is RuPaul gonna be there? 246 00:11:07,140 --> 00:11:09,108 No, I don't think Delroy knows RuPaul. 247 00:11:09,175 --> 00:11:10,642 - Uh, Neil Patrick Harry? - No. 248 00:11:10,710 --> 00:11:11,699 Ooh, Doogie. 249 00:11:11,778 --> 00:11:13,245 What if you don't want your picture on the internet? 250 00:11:13,313 --> 00:11:15,281 - This is ridiculous! - Excuse me, Gary. 251 00:11:15,348 --> 00:11:17,248 "Ridiculous." Is that a gay term? 252 00:11:17,317 --> 00:11:19,182 Okay, yep. I'll show myself out. 253 00:11:19,252 --> 00:11:21,584 - Oh, he's a little testy, isn't he? - Nah, he can go. 254 00:11:21,654 --> 00:11:24,384 - We just trying to find out how it go. - Good luck. Let's go, Stefan. 255 00:11:25,458 --> 00:11:27,824 Well, I think we pretty much got it. 256 00:11:28,728 --> 00:11:30,787 Thank you, and may God bless America. 257 00:11:31,130 --> 00:11:32,461 (APPLAUSE) 258 00:11:36,169 --> 00:11:37,158 - All right. - Right this way. 259 00:11:37,237 --> 00:11:38,602 Couple introductions and we'll get you out of here. 260 00:11:38,671 --> 00:11:40,138 - This is John O'Rourke. - Nice to meet you, John. 261 00:11:40,206 --> 00:11:41,798 - BODYGUARD: Mr. Lan Roberts. - Nice to meet you. 262 00:11:41,874 --> 00:11:44,638 - BODYGUARD: Peter Atencio. - All right, nice to meet you. 263 00:11:44,711 --> 00:11:45,769 BODYGUARD: Jerome Smith. 264 00:11:45,845 --> 00:11:48,211 Come on, brother. What's up, fam? 265 00:11:48,281 --> 00:11:50,579 (CHUCKLING) You know this. 266 00:11:50,650 --> 00:11:52,117 - BODYGUARD: Heath Williamson. - Nice to meet you. 267 00:11:52,185 --> 00:11:53,482 - BODYGUARD: Mary Woodbury. - Nice to meet you. 268 00:11:53,553 --> 00:11:55,145 - BODYGUARD: Jay Martel. - Nice to meet you, sir. 269 00:11:55,221 --> 00:11:58,156 - BODYGUARD: Tasha Robins. - Come on, come on, come on. 270 00:11:58,224 --> 00:12:00,192 (CHUCKLING) Mmm! 271 00:12:01,227 --> 00:12:02,888 - Feel that? - BODYGUARD: Emily George. 272 00:12:02,962 --> 00:12:03,951 All right... 273 00:12:04,564 --> 00:12:06,498 - Nice to meet you. - BODYGUARD: Darrell Stokes. 274 00:12:06,566 --> 00:12:08,193 Come on. What's up, fam? 275 00:12:08,268 --> 00:12:10,168 - How you doin'? - All right. 276 00:12:10,236 --> 00:12:12,898 Never forget about that, 'cause that's all we got. 277 00:12:12,972 --> 00:12:15,873 Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. All right. 278 00:12:15,942 --> 00:12:18,706 - Oh, bring it in, bring it in! - (LAUGHING) 279 00:12:19,879 --> 00:12:22,609 - Started from the bottom, now we here. - Yeah! 280 00:12:22,682 --> 00:12:24,343 Nice to meet you. All right. 281 00:12:24,417 --> 00:12:25,748 Nice to meet you. All right. 282 00:12:25,818 --> 00:12:26,876 Nice to... 283 00:12:28,221 --> 00:12:29,210 (WHISPERS) 1l8th black. 284 00:12:29,289 --> 00:12:30,551 Afternoon, my octoroon. 285 00:12:30,623 --> 00:12:32,181 Come on, bring it in there. Tuck that. 286 00:12:32,258 --> 00:12:33,657 I'm in there, dog. I'm in there, dog. 287 00:12:33,726 --> 00:12:35,353 - You tucking it in there? - I'm in there, dog. 288 00:12:35,461 --> 00:12:36,621 - Let your tuck go. - I'm in there, dog. 289 00:12:36,696 --> 00:12:38,687 - Let your tuck go. You tucking it? - I'm in there, dog. 290 00:12:38,765 --> 00:12:40,096 - Tuck right here. - I'm in there. 291 00:12:40,166 --> 00:12:41,997 I'm in there. I'm in there. 292 00:12:42,068 --> 00:12:45,231 All right. Nice to meet you, man. Uh, nice to meet you. 293 00:12:45,305 --> 00:12:47,034 Oh, my goodness, look at this. 294 00:12:47,106 --> 00:12:50,769 Oh, she is so beautiful. 295 00:12:50,843 --> 00:12:53,710 Mmm! I want another one. 296 00:12:53,780 --> 00:12:56,840 There you go. Precious, beautiful. Beautiful. What's her name? 297 00:12:56,916 --> 00:12:58,679 - This is Livia Roogey. - Okay. 298 00:12:58,751 --> 00:13:00,116 Nice to meet you, Ms. Roogey. 299 00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:01,744 All right. 300 00:13:01,854 --> 00:13:04,789 Come on! There he is. 301 00:13:04,957 --> 00:13:06,083 Boom! 302 00:13:06,359 --> 00:13:07,587 - Mr. President. - All right, man. 303 00:13:07,660 --> 00:13:08,786 Good to meet you. 304 00:13:08,861 --> 00:13:10,795 Here we go. Right this way, sir. 305 00:13:13,933 --> 00:13:16,163 KEY: (SINGING) I'm trying to get the air on and turn off these lights 306 00:13:16,235 --> 00:13:17,566 PEELE: We need to be going country. 307 00:13:17,737 --> 00:13:20,570 We need to be going country. We need to get some... 308 00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:22,198 - Country music? - Yeah. 309 00:13:22,275 --> 00:13:26,371 (SINGING) We need to get some hip, tickin', ruckin', tuckin', runt 310 00:13:26,446 --> 00:13:27,936 Like some stadium country, too. 311 00:13:28,014 --> 00:13:29,504 - We're talking about... - You said, "Ruckin', tuckin'." 312 00:13:29,582 --> 00:13:32,016 - You managed to say, "Ruckin, tuckin'." - But I want to get... 313 00:13:32,085 --> 00:13:34,144 (SINGING) You got to get your ruck, tuckin' 314 00:13:34,220 --> 00:13:36,347 pipe-riggin' country music 315 00:13:36,422 --> 00:13:37,548 You know what I'm talking about? 316 00:13:37,623 --> 00:13:40,114 (SINGING) That line-dancin' right and prancin' 317 00:13:40,893 --> 00:13:41,882 Love to drinkin' 318 00:13:41,961 --> 00:13:42,950 I love when they talk about... 319 00:13:43,029 --> 00:13:44,553 (SINGING) And the lord Jesus 320 00:13:44,630 --> 00:13:46,621 saved my grand... My mamaw's life 321 00:13:46,699 --> 00:13:47,996 - (LAUGHS) - Then talking about... 322 00:13:48,067 --> 00:13:49,694 Then talk about the next song, talking about... 323 00:13:49,769 --> 00:13:51,236 (SINGING) You gotta drink, drink 324 00:13:51,304 --> 00:13:52,328 (LAUGHTER) 325 00:13:55,575 --> 00:13:56,837 (SIGHS) 326 00:14:02,582 --> 00:14:04,743 - Well. - Oh, well, well, well. 327 00:14:05,084 --> 00:14:06,346 Fucking Mexicans. 328 00:14:06,419 --> 00:14:09,820 Oh, man, do not get me started on the Mexicans. 329 00:14:09,889 --> 00:14:12,380 Hey, I was just saying. 330 00:14:13,326 --> 00:14:16,921 They hold the God damn economy together. 331 00:14:17,063 --> 00:14:19,258 You know what, man? Damn straight. 332 00:14:19,332 --> 00:14:23,564 If 12% of the Mexicans that live in this country stopped working, just 12%, 333 00:14:23,636 --> 00:14:25,695 the U.S.A. Would shut down. 334 00:14:25,772 --> 00:14:27,933 I don't even care who hears me. 335 00:14:28,007 --> 00:14:30,032 - Nope. - (STAMMERS) They work 336 00:14:30,109 --> 00:14:31,770 - their asses off... - Mmm-hmm. 337 00:14:31,844 --> 00:14:34,404 ...and they got strong family values. 338 00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:36,038 Essential immigrants. 339 00:14:36,649 --> 00:14:40,585 Hey, speaking of immigrants, how about them Asians? 340 00:14:40,653 --> 00:14:42,348 Man, fuck, you know what, brother? 341 00:14:42,422 --> 00:14:43,480 You want to light that fuse? 342 00:14:43,556 --> 00:14:45,353 Then you better stand back 'cause I got something 343 00:14:45,425 --> 00:14:47,086 I want to say about those motherfuckers. 344 00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:49,025 Yeah, I got three words for you, 345 00:14:49,262 --> 00:14:52,459 estudious, hardworking, industrious. 346 00:14:52,532 --> 00:14:53,624 Damn straight. 347 00:14:53,699 --> 00:14:58,500 Asians are the highest income, best educated, 348 00:14:58,571 --> 00:15:02,337 and the fastest growing racial group in the U.S. Of A. 349 00:15:02,475 --> 00:15:05,808 Mmm. Plus, got the highest percentage 350 00:15:05,878 --> 00:15:08,745 of college graduates in the country, good for them. 351 00:15:08,815 --> 00:15:11,545 And I... Maybe this makes me sound racist, 352 00:15:11,617 --> 00:15:15,348 but those motherfuckers, they're gonna save the country. 353 00:15:15,421 --> 00:15:17,252 There it is. You, you went and said it. 354 00:15:17,323 --> 00:15:19,518 I just said it. I just came right the fuck out and said it. 355 00:15:19,592 --> 00:15:20,957 It was in everyone's mind. 356 00:15:21,027 --> 00:15:23,325 - But I'm the one... - BOTH: Who said it. 357 00:15:23,396 --> 00:15:24,658 Hey, and you know what? 358 00:15:24,730 --> 00:15:27,927 While we're at it, I'm gonna break my spine, 359 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,161 tip-tap, dancing-wancing, 360 00:15:30,236 --> 00:15:32,761 prancing around the elephant in the room. 361 00:15:32,839 --> 00:15:34,966 - Blacks. - Yep. Fucking blacks. 362 00:15:35,041 --> 00:15:36,941 - Blacks. - Fucking blacks. 363 00:15:37,009 --> 00:15:38,977 You know what you done, done did? 364 00:15:39,045 --> 00:15:41,570 You opened up the floodgates now, my friend. 365 00:15:41,647 --> 00:15:43,012 Released the kraken. 366 00:15:43,082 --> 00:15:46,518 God damn victims of institutionalized "Race-misme." 367 00:15:46,586 --> 00:15:49,851 And despite all that, they overcame the slavery 368 00:15:49,922 --> 00:15:53,255 and the segregation just to become CEOs 369 00:15:53,359 --> 00:15:54,986 and entrepreneurs. 370 00:15:55,061 --> 00:15:57,586 And hey, one of 'em is the gosh-darn president. 371 00:15:57,663 --> 00:16:01,030 And, I mean, that's just true right there. That's just historical fact, man. 372 00:16:01,100 --> 00:16:02,431 You can't even argue that. 373 00:16:04,270 --> 00:16:06,500 Oh, how 'bout the Indians? 374 00:16:06,606 --> 00:16:08,699 Fucking Native Americans. 375 00:16:10,109 --> 00:16:12,771 I don't know if I could get in trouble 376 00:16:12,845 --> 00:16:15,473 these days for sayin' something like this, 377 00:16:15,548 --> 00:16:16,810 but they were here first. 378 00:16:16,883 --> 00:16:18,646 It may be unpopular, but it's true. 379 00:16:18,718 --> 00:16:23,485 We came to this country, and we steamrolled on in, and we genocided them. 380 00:16:23,556 --> 00:16:25,456 I mean, hell, we owe 'em something. 381 00:16:25,525 --> 00:16:26,583 There you go. 382 00:16:29,195 --> 00:16:32,289 I got to tell you, man, that's not bad for a non-alcoholic beer. 383 00:16:32,365 --> 00:16:33,764 - Not bad at all. - All right. 384 00:16:33,833 --> 00:16:36,893 I got to go home, take care of my kids. 385 00:16:37,136 --> 00:16:38,398 How many of 'em you got now? 386 00:16:38,471 --> 00:16:40,268 - Just adopted the 11th. - Oh! 387 00:16:40,339 --> 00:16:41,431 Can't help myself. 388 00:16:41,507 --> 00:16:43,839 Man, that's always what happens when you volunteer 389 00:16:43,910 --> 00:16:45,901 for the earthquake relief in Haiti. 390 00:16:45,978 --> 00:16:47,969 - Yep, yep, yep. - And what you gon' do? 391 00:16:48,047 --> 00:16:49,412 What you gon' do? 392 00:16:49,482 --> 00:16:51,677 You know, my wife makes 2l3 of what I make. 393 00:16:51,751 --> 00:16:53,946 KEY: What? Y'all got the same job, man. 394 00:16:54,020 --> 00:16:56,045 That's just patently unfair. 395 00:16:56,122 --> 00:16:57,953 That's right. We're both librarians. 396 00:16:58,024 --> 00:16:59,082 (BELCHES) 397 00:16:59,158 --> 00:17:00,955 PEELE: You all right? KEY: I'm okay. 398 00:17:05,665 --> 00:17:07,633 (SINGING) Whoa, Whoa 399 00:17:07,700 --> 00:17:09,668 You're a superstar 400 00:17:09,735 --> 00:17:13,296 Yeah, what everybody's waiting for is what you are 401 00:17:13,372 --> 00:17:14,999 Whoa, whoa 402 00:17:15,741 --> 00:17:17,868 Hey, what up, y'all? Welcome back to HCL. 403 00:17:17,944 --> 00:17:20,378 We are in Hollywood. I got the answers, 404 00:17:20,446 --> 00:17:22,846 and the answers this morning is Mother Majesty. 405 00:17:22,915 --> 00:17:24,177 Thank you for being here, Mother Majesty. 406 00:17:24,250 --> 00:17:26,013 Thank you for having me. 407 00:17:26,085 --> 00:17:27,279 - (CHEERING) - Yeah. 408 00:17:27,353 --> 00:17:30,322 Now, before the break, we heard your song, uh, 409 00:17:30,389 --> 00:17:33,552 "She-nomenon," from the new hit album, Girl Army. 410 00:17:33,626 --> 00:17:36,686 - Oh, yeah, that's right. - Yeah. 411 00:17:36,762 --> 00:17:38,354 Well, thank you so much, Scratch. 412 00:17:38,431 --> 00:17:42,458 You know, this whole album is about girls and empowering girls and, you know, 413 00:17:42,535 --> 00:17:45,060 kind ofjust showing girls that they can be strong and powerful 414 00:17:45,137 --> 00:17:47,605 and do what they want to do, and not 415 00:17:47,673 --> 00:17:50,198 what the media says they need to do. 416 00:17:50,276 --> 00:17:52,335 All right. All right. That's deep. That's deep. 417 00:17:52,411 --> 00:17:56,211 Now we got some, uh, young females here who have some questions for you. 418 00:17:56,282 --> 00:17:58,580 - Is that okay? - Oh, it's always okay. 419 00:17:58,651 --> 00:17:59,675 - All right. - It's always okay. 420 00:17:59,752 --> 00:18:01,583 I always want to hear from my girl army. 421 00:18:01,654 --> 00:18:04,623 Hi, Majesty, it is so cool to meet you. 422 00:18:04,690 --> 00:18:07,158 Thank you so much. I think you're beautiful just like that. 423 00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:09,291 Um, yeah. 424 00:18:09,362 --> 00:18:12,126 So, okay, last week, I took your advice from your song, "Get Some," 425 00:18:12,198 --> 00:18:14,598 and I, "Flaunted it till he wanted it," 426 00:18:14,667 --> 00:18:17,864 but I ended up losing my virginity to a guy that I don't know. 427 00:18:17,937 --> 00:18:20,428 You see, it is time for girls to take back their power 428 00:18:20,506 --> 00:18:22,770 nowadays 'cause it's your body and it's your mind, 429 00:18:22,842 --> 00:18:26,243 and it, you should use that to feel sexy and empowered. 430 00:18:26,312 --> 00:18:27,404 (CHEERING) 431 00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:29,948 Okay. Okay, yeah, yeah, but now I'm pregnant. 432 00:18:30,016 --> 00:18:31,916 Miracles. Next question. 433 00:18:33,352 --> 00:18:36,515 Hi. Hi, Majesty. I'm Cassie. I think your album rocks. 434 00:18:36,589 --> 00:18:39,649 Thank you so much, Cassie. I think you should never change your skin. 435 00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:41,577 Okay. 436 00:18:42,221 --> 00:18:44,621 So in your song, "Friday Night Freak Down..." 437 00:18:44,690 --> 00:18:46,749 Thank you so much, Cassie. 438 00:18:47,059 --> 00:18:51,155 You say, "Bend it over, touch the ground, he'll ride you like his merry-go-round." 439 00:18:51,230 --> 00:18:52,390 Yes, I do. 440 00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:54,057 Is that about butt sex? 441 00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:57,102 What it's about, Cassie, is us reclaiming our bodies as women 442 00:18:57,169 --> 00:19:00,935 because, you know, for a long time, being sexy was about being sexy for a man. 443 00:19:01,007 --> 00:19:03,703 But this is about being sexy for yourself. 444 00:19:03,776 --> 00:19:06,210 - Whoo! - But I've got herpes in my butt. 445 00:19:06,279 --> 00:19:08,338 Okay, let's 446 00:19:08,581 --> 00:19:10,481 change tracks for a second. 447 00:19:10,549 --> 00:19:11,880 We gon' go to commercial. 448 00:19:11,951 --> 00:19:16,115 When we come back, Mother Majesty is going to unfurl her new song. 449 00:19:16,188 --> 00:19:17,382 - What is it about? - Oh, okay. 450 00:19:17,456 --> 00:19:18,889 It's a... It's kind of a love song, 451 00:19:18,958 --> 00:19:22,052 and it's about finding strength after having your heart broken. 452 00:19:22,128 --> 00:19:24,619 All right. We gon' go to commercial. When we come back, Mother Majesty 453 00:19:24,697 --> 00:19:27,564 with, "Who Got Next on this Blackberry Pie?" 454 00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:29,765 (CROWD CHEERING) 455 00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:32,398 Here's your dressing room, Your Majesty. 456 00:19:32,471 --> 00:19:34,063 - Thank you so much. - Yeah. 457 00:19:36,776 --> 00:19:38,038 (SIGHS) 458 00:19:50,456 --> 00:19:51,946 That's right, girls. 459 00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:56,688 Being overly sexual and being strong are the same thing. 460 00:19:58,130 --> 00:19:59,995 It's the same thing. 461 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:04,065 (LAUGHS) It's the same thing. 462 00:20:04,670 --> 00:20:06,467 (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) 463 00:20:17,650 --> 00:20:19,880 Girl power! 464 00:20:20,686 --> 00:20:22,017 (COUGHING) 465 00:20:22,088 --> 00:20:24,852 God, I think I'm allergic to this makeup. 466 00:20:26,125 --> 00:20:27,353 (COUGHING) 467 00:20:27,426 --> 00:20:29,053 (BELCHES) Now, why would I burp? 468 00:20:30,629 --> 00:20:31,721 That's weird. 469 00:20:36,469 --> 00:20:38,596 (BOTH MIMIC DUBSTEP MUSIC) 470 00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:45,308 (MIMICS ASCENDING NOTE) 471 00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:52,312 Let's get ready to break down. 472 00:20:52,385 --> 00:20:54,410 (BOTH MIMIC DUBSTEP MUSIC) 473 00:20:56,722 --> 00:20:57,814 KEY: So I know what that is. PEELE: Yeah. 474 00:20:57,890 --> 00:20:59,585 KEY: I know what that is. 475 00:21:00,459 --> 00:21:02,324 (SINGING) I'm gonna do my one line here 476 00:21:02,395 --> 00:21:04,295 MAN: Oh, yeah. 477 00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:09,028 OFFICER: Let's go. 478 00:21:09,902 --> 00:21:11,995 You're going away for a long time, pal. 479 00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:16,535 Jimenez, unlock the thing. 480 00:21:18,144 --> 00:21:20,772 No, you can't do it at the same time. 481 00:21:21,347 --> 00:21:22,780 Just press the button.